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[12 Apr 2004|01:51am]
My new LJ is _botchla
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[11 Apr 2004|05:20pm]
the new journal is coming..
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solve et coagula [11 Apr 2004|11:35am]
[ mood | calm ]

your soul penatrates through my water filled lungs. i can't breathe but i know you're there with me.

happy easter..

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I'll try to make this perfectly clear.. [10 Apr 2004|01:19pm]
[ mood | content ]

It's been a while since I've put in an actual entry. I don't know when the last time was. Spring break is almost at it's end. :-( Let's see. Wow. Honestly, I don't remember what days I did what. I do remember though that one day, Brittany came over. And.. we hung out n stuff. And we went to the mall, and to see Scooby Doo 2. How emo the movie was. lol. It sucked horribly, though. Let's see what else have I done over the break. Wemt to Sean's, had fun. Everyone was there. Sean, me, Brittany, Nichole, Stephanie, Cachet, Muppet, Craig, Nicole, Jarred, John (-sigh-, no comment), Allison..and ahh! Allison brought Lauren over! I got to see her! I want her to move.

Painting the Roses Red just came on my playlist =)

Yeah so Craig came down from Springfield, & brought his friend muppet with him. Both very cool people.

Me & Brittany sorta argued now. But I think everything is okay now. Whether it is or isn't, I love that girl to death. Nothing will change that.

Got into a fight with my mom this morning. She's an uber bitch. -sigh-

OH YEAH! I pierced my lip. As you can see on my icon. I love it. =)

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[10 Apr 2004|02:46am]
about to put in a friends only entry.
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OOOH!!! [05 Apr 2004|05:21pm]
[ mood | hyper ]

i'm very bored. in a good mood though. past few days have been fun.

i've been listening to like screemo music out the wazoo lately. iuno why.

friday i slept over seans.
saturday i didn't really do anything.
yesterday, brittany came over. she brought me ice cream from rich's! oh man it was gooooood. we hung out, & applied for jobs to six flags. we had uber fun. then we decorated my closet. it's soooo cool.
today, allison & christian came over around. like. 11:30? yeah. we hung out til about 3-ish then they left. it was fun.

that's all for now!!

p.s. this song is amazing.

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your tears are only allibies.. [03 Apr 2004|08:47pm]
[ mood | bored ]

springgggggggg breakkkkkkkk

i'm so relieved. i get a break from school. a break from people. yeah so yesterday was the last day. had a pep rally. it was boring. stayed after with brittany & nichole. walked to the corner store n then to 7-11 so i could get a french vanilla cappacino. then me & brit went on the gilford park bus. met up with sean & cachet there. we all went to sean's house. hung out, sean's mom got the texas chainsaw massacre for us. around 5, sean went to drop off cachet at work with his mom, me & brittany hung out there. then he came back. we watched tcm. great movie. this was my second time seeing it. (saw it in the theatre.) i love it so much. anyway. afterwards, we hung out in sean's room for a while. anyway, then we went downstairs & hugn out there for a while. around.. 9:30(?) we walked brittany home. came back to sean's. hung out. cachet showed up around 10:30 & we watch tcm again with her. then she left like 15 minutes later. i pierced sean's ear. was funny. came out good.

my mom picked me up this morning from sean's. we went to wolfies for breakfast. then k-mart.

brittany was going to come over today, but she couldn't. i'm sad she couldn't but it's all good. i can't wait 'til skate 'n surf. it's going to be so much fun. me & brit had tons of fun at the last concert we went to. i'm really really glad me & her are good friends again.

anywho. bored out of my mind. i'm downloading tcm off kazaa right now. mwahaha.

gonna get going.
hope tomorrow will be
a bit more exciting than
today was..

p.s. this band cursive dana told me about are uber good.

some random, recent pictures.Collapse )

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skate 'n surf! [02 Apr 2004|06:07am]
[ mood | cheerful ]


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... [31 Mar 2004|08:58pm]
[ mood | cold ]

today was pretty cool. school went ok. me & brittany at lunch were laughing cause we were thinking the exact same things lol.. i love her.

anyway, in bio me & sean had to be married lol. we did a lab type of thing & the person you sit with was your life partner & we had a baby. me & sean had one & name him little soey. lol it was so funny. anyway.. i stayed after with christian & stephanie.

then christian came over & hung out for a couple of hours. it was good times. now im really bored. -sigh, sigh, sigh-

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-sigh- [28 Mar 2004|12:42pm]
[ mood | blank ]



i'm bored

save ME

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..Life? [28 Mar 2004|10:16am]
[ mood | artistic ]

Which road are you -really- supposed to choose? The road to happiness? It seems appealing, but is it true? Does it end in saddness? The road to failure.. seems like a bummer, but you never know. Could be fun, could be hell. Who knows. "Life hurts, but eye'm begining to enjoy the sting."-Otep

Anywho, enough with the corny thought I guess..

Yesterday was pretty cool. Allison's not mad at me, as I discovered yesterday. She called me, & came over. We hung out for maybe an hour? Then we drove over to my aunts, cause she was having a barbeque, & so Allison got to meet some of my family. We ate dinner there. Then my mom gave us the oh-holy-blockbuster card, heh. We went to Applebees for desert, but it was totally crowded out the wazoo. Saw Tony there, it was funny. Then we bailed, & drove over to Friendly's. We got a seat right away there, & had ice cream. Then we were going to blockbuster to get a scary movie, cause we wanted to see one back at my hosue, & then Allison remember she was supposed to hang out with Nikki at 9. So she took me to blockbuster anyway so I could rent a movie. I got "Thirteen." I watched it this morning, it's an amazing movie. Also, my mom bought me "Beyond Borders" yesterday. A movie Angelina Jolie, it's absolutely.. unbelivable. It's a great movie, I loved it.

Anyway.. now, I'm bored, and iuno what to do. Nothing to do..

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[27 Mar 2004|03:14pm]
[ mood | content ]

Changed my background.

2 comments|post comment

busy like whoa yester- [27 Mar 2004|08:56am]
[ mood | tired ]

right now i'm kind of pissed. i just looked at my journal & the background is all fucked up. i think im going to have to re-do it today again. sigh- it can get pretty annoying at some points.

anyway, yesterday was eventful x4. school wasn't anything exciting. everything was normal. sean wasn't there, -snarl- he like.. never comes anymore. hmm.. then i stayed after w/ nichole.. we.. what did we do.. oh yeah. we just like walked around school from 1:40 til like around 3. we maybe could have gone home but we didn't want to. we decided to just stay around school until the 80's dance at 7. anyway, we went to the java joint. chicken fingers n fries<3 mmm. with a banana snapple which i am craving right now that i said it. then we went to the library, & hung out with this girl sarah that's in our homeroom. she's mad cool, yo. we talked about a lot of stuff. then around 5, sarah got picked up n the library closed. so me n nichole hung out outside the library for like 15 min, then walked to 7-11 to get slurpee's. mm, good. we sat on this hill in an alley or something for like a half hour. then we... walked back to school. we hung out there for a while, & like snuck in & went to these like odd hidden places. iuno. anyway. hung out for a while. then around 7 we went to the dance. there were tons of people there. then. stephanie beardsley jumped on me & then let go. i didn't know who it was & i turned around & it was her. i like gave her a rape-hug n her back. it was great, i missed her so much. anyway, the dance was uber cool. up until the point when. it wasn't. iuno. after a while people left. then they started playing dumb shit songs. it was like 5 80's songs then 2 rap songs. then like 3 80's songs then 3 rap songs. then 3 80's songs then 5 rap songs. then like 1 80's song & 890238 rap songs. like what the fuck. it's an 80's dance. cocksuckers. anywho. i hung out with nichole & amie/amy (?) peace mostly the whole time. they're mad cool. we left around 9:30? n went to sit on the bleachers in the football stadium to smoke a cigarette. then we snuck back inside. etc etc. left. came home around 10:30. my mom bitched at me for not calling when i was supposed to. whoops. but seriously. u knew where i was & my ever move i had already told u - get over it. -sigh-

i think allison is mad at me, but iuno. she was absent for two days, n didnt call me, & didnt answer when i called the one or two times i did, then in school at lunch she like walked away with lauren from me & christian & like goes "were going to my house" so her & lauren just left & drove to allisons house. then i had asked her in the begining of the week to hang out on sat, n she said she had plans but if they didnt work out she'd call me, if not we'd hang out sun probably. then i called her last ngiht, n she still had plans, then plans for sunday too. i personally think she's avoiding me, but for all i know i could just be making this up in my head. i dont know.

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-sigh- [24 Mar 2004|08:14pm]
[ mood | cold ]

re-did layout. made a new icon. score.


The enemy of the world our greatest defeat
slave warfare
Our wings are almost dry and free
absorbing violence [pain]
Punishing pain
Poetry is the perfume of the soul [no fear, no god, alternate stasis takes me places, the world, enemy]
Nightmare babies, fire gods
Speaking of dream time serpants
and walking with the elder dead
Fear me mortal [FEAR ME]
Fear me
Feed my disease
Feed my disease [the taste of fear in the seventh phase of the disease]
and in tiny little houses
On tiny little streets [everythings normal, everythings not ok, it's normal]
Voices raise and [as long as you're under my roof you will respect me]
fear is alive [as long as you're under my roof you will respect ME]
and laughter
He's knows tolerance [don't forget me]
She only knows lonliness [NOT YOU, NOT YOU, NOT YOU]
and in my blackness of sleep
Savages dance and scream
but only truth is suffering
Bleeding like embryos [but only truth is suffering]
Starving with dreams [LIFE, BLOOD]
U, single cell are commerse
Woah, what happened to you last night?
you've given up without a fight
and learned the words thay say receit
U killed the flower that blossoms in the night
Smothered and crushed
Rage gives way to a little giggle and sudden blush
and in my molecules, the vast eternity of invention [can u smell my fever mama? can u smell my poor veins?]
Infected with the good disease
Intellect, rebellion
Finding the need in every single one
...of you
What's a matter U don't like it when eye touch you? [Come here, don't run, don't run]
Hand me babies and nightmare gods
Eye will shed my skin [BUT EYE CAN'T GET HIS SCENT OFF OF ME]
He prefers pain to pretty
Death to daughter, to the shivering creature that lay beneath him
Eye will not be want u want me to be
Eye will not be want u want me to be [nothings changed, GO AWAY, GO AWAY]
People are evil and girls hate each other
Eye will know my demons names
Eye will conquer them
Eye will rise [RISE]
Eye will...fight
This is my holy war
We come to u like desert warriors
Fresh from the cool dew of night, in a sea of odor, in a tapestry of pain
Absorbing violence
Feasting on hopelessness
Expand your mind
Expand your mind
This is our time to shine [our time to shine, our time for justice]
and out of the ashes only the holy will rise
Sweet paper messiah [die]
Sweet paper messiah
How eye sacrifice u, Eye sacrifice you [SAVE ME, SAVE ME]
Dear, sweet paper messiah [SAVE ME, SAVE ME, SAVE ME, SAVE ME]
My offering
My suffering [Eye speak to u on behalf of all of mankind]
Whatever u need
What...ever u need
Whatever u...
Whatever u need

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i felt the air rise up in me.. [20 Mar 2004|04:28pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

Yesterday was pretty cool. Allison came over around. Um. 2-ish? 3-ish? I forget. She had work at five, but decided to come over before. Tony was at the mall with like a date, & he was going to come over & then we were going to meet my mom at the movies to see Angelina Jolie's movie "Taking Lives," (it's rated R, so my mom had to get us in, plus she wants me & her to spend more quality time together, out of nowhere so yeah.) Anyway, Tony's date went longer than expected, so me & Allison just hung 'til about 4:15. Then we went to her house in Gilford Park to pick up Stephanie, her sister/my friend, cause she wanted Allison to drive her to the mall. She we hung out there for a few, then Allison dropped me off at the movies to meet Tony & my mom. Then we saw the movie, it was absolutely amazing. Angelina Jolie is without doubt the most incredible actress who ever lived. I want to go see it again. Anyway, after the movie, we went home; Tony came over. We hung out, went for a walk, hung out some more, then he left around 10. Then at like 10:30 Allison came over again, & stayed 'til about 11. I then talked on the phone with Nichole, watched "Hannibal," & half of "Wild Things" & fell asleep around 3 this morning. So yeah, yesterday was pretty eventful.

Today, woke up around noon, called Nichole. Got showered, yada yada, & around 1:30-2 we went for a bike ride. She lives in South Toms River, & I live in Beachwood so we met up. We decided to go to Caity's house. We missed her, cause she doesn't go to our school anymore, she transfered. I'm thinking about it too.. Anyway. It was cool. We hung out there for about an hour. Then we left & went to Keith's house. He was all like in his comfy clothes, laying around playing video games so we left. Then we rode around for a bit, & decided to go home. So yeah I walked in the house about 15 minutes ago. Now I'm bored.


1 comment|post comment

no school. [19 Mar 2004|02:20pm]
[ mood | bored ]

err. no school today. i'm very pissed off. now there's no 80's dance, which sucks. i was looking foward to it, i bought a sex pistols shirt yesterday & all.

anyway, in about an hour tony should be coming over. then at 5 we're going to see "Taking Lives," Angelina Jolie's new move. :-D i can't wait.

other than that nothing exciting in life is happening. it's just a big roller coaster & i hate it. i talked to my mom last night about a lot & now i have to go to therapy. -sigh-

anywho, must be going now.

7 comments|post comment

[18 Mar 2004|03:07pm]
[ mood | blank ]

Mar 5, 2004


we are so honored to be included on this year's ozzfest ... our new album is fucking BRUTAL and what better place to display this creative destruction than on the biggest tour of the summer ... thx again to sharon, we played the 2002 tour and it was nothing short of primal chaos ... the pits were like massive flesh helixes breaking all the laws of physical pain and ethereal liberty ... we have come once again to destroy what u thot u knew about aggression ......... to slaughter the mental sheep on alters of sound with a weapon of words ...... art is war --- there will be casualties.


3 months & 4 weeks left til ozzfest...

2 comments|post comment

punish the whores of your wishgods [17 Mar 2004|05:55pm]
[ mood | confused ]

life has it's ups & downs.

mostly downs.

i'm going nowhere fast.

the only thing that's keeping me happy is thinking about going to ozzfest with sean & seeing OTEP, slipknot, lamb of god, hatebreed, etc. even though its like 4 months away.


nothing else to say.

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Fucking A I hate HS [16 Mar 2004|08:51pm]
I hate High School. Everyone is so god damned immature & really needs to grow up. My grades are for shit, my home life is enough to make anyone go insane, & on top of it all I have so many people screwing up my life.
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"Wish I Was Too Dead To Cry" [15 Mar 2004|02:57pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

I am so beyond depressed at this point. My whole life is turning upside down. 97% of my friends are gone. I have about 3 left that I know care for me, or at least I hope they do. Got into a fight with my mom, & I tried to talk to her about the things that upset me, like with my friends. But she didn't care to listen. I asked her if she planned on moving in the future, because I hate living in this shithole. I'm thinking about moving in with my dad either after easter vacationg or after softmore year, because I just can't stand this anymore. I hate everything. I don't want to leave my mom. Yea, we are fighting a lot lately, but I've always wanted to live with her, because me & my dad have had lots of trouble in the past, even though he's changed now. Then again, if I move with him, I have to live with his girlfriend, who I don't even know. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. My social life has hit rock bottom, my grades are poor, & everything is just shit. I try to be optimitic & see the good sides of things, but lately there's been nothing good. I just want this year to end. I want it to be summer, so I don't have to worry about grades, or anyone else in school. I'm begining to not care about anything. I'm slowly digging myself into something I won't be able to get out of; & I can't stand my life.

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